My room smells like vodka and shame
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
