The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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