i don't plan on having that self control this summer
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
