hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Holy shit dude........stairs
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