Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
