you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
