You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
