It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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