you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
