don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Your cock deserves a montage
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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