..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize