i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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