You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
