u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
