if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
