ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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