I feel like abortions should bother me more
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
