I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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