@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's shark week go big or go home
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
