dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
