you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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