hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
