I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
