I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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