He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
