I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
