I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
