Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
