Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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