I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
