When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
