Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
