Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
