i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
