Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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