My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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