The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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