Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
