How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
