unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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