i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
