come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
