He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
