i think my mom watched the whole time
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
