Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
