How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
