I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
