turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize