I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
