your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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