well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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