Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
