I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
