I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
