Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
