I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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