my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
