i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Quick, to the slutcave!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Everyone says I win the strip club
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
