If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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