did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
