just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
