I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
