Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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