Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
